broc
Newcomer
Tag: @broc
Posts: 17
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Post by broc on Aug 26, 2016 3:00:52 GMT
Name:broccoli
Alias:broc
Species:saiyan
Gender:male
Age: 35
Appearance:orange training GI, 5,3 Buff javascript:;Orange training pants, skinny , blue eyes,white .
History:Broccoli was a young boy who lived on Vegeta he was among the elites being strong,smart and quick he soon grew to dislike the aggressive saiyan lifestyle after a small planet filled with peaceful and friendly people was attacked,so he stole a ship and escaped.He then crashlanded on earth,where he then explored, meeting all kinds of people. He thought of earth as a sancutary,somewhere where he didn't have to fight.he spent most of his time in a cave,on mt.frappe,where he trained forming his own fighting style similar to Jiujutsu after watching a group of human monks.soon he then found the love of his life a woman named wonton,she was a short but skinny woman with blue eyes and was a brunnete (; she was a martial artist,Broc didn't like that as much but he learned to deal with it eventually she got pregnant, when the boy was born,he was called twig beacuse he looked weak an fragile, as he grew he proved everyone wrong,but the happiness didn't last long when the saiyans invaded the family lost wonton so father and son both go through the galaxy searching for the man who did it but also protecting the earth from further harm.
Starting Planet: Earth
Techniques: [N1] Ki fist: Brocoli focuses all his energy into his fists causing his punches to be stronger
[N1] ki missle:Broc charges an explosive ki blast.
Support Zanzoken:when a saiyan defeated in battle they get an energy boost
Utility Flight:brocoli manipulates his ki causing him to fly
Special
Items: 500 Zenni One-Use Pod
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broc
Newcomer
Tag: @broc
Posts: 17
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Post by broc on Sept 4, 2016 23:51:17 GMT
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broc
Newcomer
Tag: @broc
Posts: 17
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Post by broc on Sept 5, 2016 17:02:41 GMT
@therevolution
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broc
Newcomer
Tag: @broc
Posts: 17
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Post by broc on Sept 6, 2016 22:52:07 GMT
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Post by Rafar on Sept 6, 2016 22:56:46 GMT
Dude there are people ahead of you in line chill out
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broc
Newcomer
Tag: @broc
Posts: 17
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Post by broc on Sept 6, 2016 23:18:44 GMT
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Nicolas Mclendon
Moderator
The Hero of the Cosmos: CAPTAIN NOVA!
PL: 145,482
Intense Struggle (x3); X-Factor (x6); Amazing Captain Nova (x16)
Zeni: 2336
Tag: @nicolas
OOC Name: Nicolas
Posts: 1,010
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Post by Nicolas Mclendon on Sept 7, 2016 3:18:55 GMT
This doesn't tell us at all what your character looks like. Expand with some description or find a picture to use to describe your character or something but this is unacceptable.
This is highly unbelievable that he'd be that gifted in ALL forms of combat at such a young age. There is absolutely no way a 9 year old kid would be able to take on a fully grown saiyan. The decimate populations for a living, some punk kid wouldn't be able to beat them even if he did have hundreds of fighting styles.
Why? For what reason?
Why Namek?
That's a big miscalculation considering they're on separate sides of the galaxy.
I don't care how many years it would take you couldn't camp out in the woods and come back as Bruce Lee without a teacher and a strict training regimen. He could have perhaps developed a savage fighting style having to fend for himself but why would he teach himself how to fight if he escaped Vegeta because he didn't want to fight anymore?
You and I have a different definition of pacifism.
Also, on top of the history not making sense, it doesn't give us any sort of story on who your character is.
His techs are all wrong you start with 3. Please read the combat rules in order to get a better grasp of our system.
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broc
Newcomer
Tag: @broc
Posts: 17
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Post by broc on Sept 7, 2016 16:50:03 GMT
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Nicolas Mclendon
Moderator
The Hero of the Cosmos: CAPTAIN NOVA!
PL: 145,482
Intense Struggle (x3); X-Factor (x6); Amazing Captain Nova (x16)
Zeni: 2336
Tag: @nicolas
OOC Name: Nicolas
Posts: 1,010
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Post by Nicolas Mclendon on Sept 8, 2016 21:12:12 GMT
I still have issue with him being a master of every form of combat as a child, perhaps it'd be better to have him piece together bits of his mother and father's fighting styles to form his own.
What event drove him to want to abandon his home, family, and race so he could live a peaceful life? Did he lose someone on a mission? Is he fleeing because he murdered someone? Did he form a connection with one of the race's doomed to extinction? There needs to be a solid 'why' there so we get a better understanding of your character.
What caused him to leave the wilderness to seek civilization out? Did he just stumble upon it or did he start to regret leaving Vegeta? Was he lonely? How did he handle seeing humans and Zoanthropes?
You should also probably expand on some of his adventures with Pickle and Kazaam, there's about 10 years worth of history that hasn't been touched on.
Some things you could explore that could make him more integrated into the story could be:
-How did Pickle Kazaam and Broc react to the Saiyan invasion?
-Wow did his parents handle the fact that he betrayed them and the Solar Saiyan Empire?
-What sort of adventures did Broc go on in the meantime? What made him into the character he is today?
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broc
Newcomer
Tag: @broc
Posts: 17
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Post by broc on Sept 9, 2016 12:42:59 GMT
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Post by Kizuki on Sept 9, 2016 14:13:29 GMT
Before this is looked at again by Nic, I want to say THIS is NOT OKAY. Do not keep throwing your posts in to T2G to be graded if they have not been looked at yet, and do NOT get an attitude about it either. Members should not and CANNOT ask staff to do stuff like grade. We are all aware of what we have to do as far as being a staff member here, so refrain from doing this again. This is your only verbal warning.
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Nicolas Mclendon
Moderator
The Hero of the Cosmos: CAPTAIN NOVA!
PL: 145,482
Intense Struggle (x3); X-Factor (x6); Amazing Captain Nova (x16)
Zeni: 2336
Tag: @nicolas
OOC Name: Nicolas
Posts: 1,010
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Post by Nicolas Mclendon on Sept 9, 2016 22:38:29 GMT
There's still no explanation for his alignment shift
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broc
Newcomer
Tag: @broc
Posts: 17
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Post by broc on Sept 9, 2016 23:05:57 GMT
Got it finished up for you
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Pipa
Archived
PL: 19,119; Great Namek(Demonic Will) (x3); Makyo Star(x8); Items: One-Use Space Pod, Onyx Scimitar, 1 5,000PL Guard, Upgraded Ship (6 occupant ship), x80 Gravity Chamber, Heavy Weights; Zeni: 0
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Post by Pipa on Sept 10, 2016 6:17:50 GMT
U spelled peers piers fyi
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Nicolas Mclendon
Moderator
The Hero of the Cosmos: CAPTAIN NOVA!
PL: 145,482
Intense Struggle (x3); X-Factor (x6); Amazing Captain Nova (x16)
Zeni: 2336
Tag: @nicolas
OOC Name: Nicolas
Posts: 1,010
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Post by Nicolas Mclendon on Sept 11, 2016 7:27:40 GMT
Instead of tossing up a sentence or two hoping that it'll appease me how about you reflect on what I said and actually focus on reworking and building a better profile and character. Focus less on "Oh golly gosh I really really really really really really really really want to play" and more on: "how can I make a better character?" I'm telling you this in Lieu of a warn for privately messaging me ONCE AGAIN AFTER BEING WARNED.
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