|
Been
Jun 14, 2016 23:20:29 GMT
via mobile
Post by brygreen04 on Jun 14, 2016 23:20:29 GMT
Name: Been Species:saiyan Gender:male Age: 21 Appearance:small,beefy,black hair,black eyes,training gi,dark brown wait an tail History: Been as a small saiyan was raised in planet vegeta, he was 8 years old when his parents were murdered by a ambush in a battle with the acrosians .After the events his grandfather brocoli took him in, and trained him for many years then.brocoli thinking that young Been was ready to be sent to earth, So brocoli strapped Been in a pod and sent it down to earth Been only 8 years of age was forced to survive in the wilderness for many years around the age of 19 he found town.He was weird to them to them him having bad manners and such living in the for many years and. Being ragged he was taken in by a rich family and was taught about everything human and the many kinds of technology he met many people and even androids, and was taught many things, he didnt want anyone on this planet hurt so he decided,to betray hus race and help humans instead of destroying them and there progress Starting Planet: Earth transformations:ozaru Offensive amazing impact:the user launches the enemy in the air then flying up knocking them back down tremendously damaging the target [N1] Support Feign death [su1] Utility flight[UI],ki sensing [ui] Special none Items: 500 Zenni One-Use Pod Pieter Wolfbane Pieter Wolfbane
|
|
|
Been
Jun 25, 2016 20:34:05 GMT
Post by Pieter Wolfbane on Jun 25, 2016 20:34:05 GMT
Good day, young'in! I'll be assisting you with your profile today, and I'll be honest, we've got a long road ahead of us, so strap on in! 1) History: The history you have is a singular sentence with no punctuation or grammar. I need you to insert the proper punctuation and grammar, as you add on more about whom this character is. When you're writing up this history, as well, keep in mind you want to write it out as if you were writing a biographical profile on whom this person is. Meaning don't try to put roleplay actions in it, or add in outside information that isn't important to your character. Also, I'd like you to take a look at the plot and lore of the site here, so you have an idea of what sort of world you're about to jump in. Currently, the age is 2803, and there's been quite a few events these past 3 years! 2) Techniques & Transformations: You only have what's available for the race. In addition, I need you to tell me if your character has a tail or not, for Saiyans and Half-Saiyans get 2 alternative routes for their start! Either Oozaru or False-Super Saiyan (think Vegeta going against final form Frieza). Kaioken is among the techniques that are known as, "Specials & Ultimates," and requires players to fulfill aspects to qualify to learn these techniques if they so choose! Review this url here for the mechanics and a list of pre-approved techniques you can start with. The Kamehameha is a technique that you have to go under tutorage for at the Turtle School. So, you will need to remove the Kamehameha techniques. You have 3 starting technique slots to work with. Healing is a support that one cannot start with. So, you will have to remove that too. It is one of those "Specials & Ultimates" that requires tutorage or a position pick up. Considering you are a Saiyan character, don't worry about picking it up. Flight and Ki Sensing are ok to keep. It helps you travel and get a gauge of how strong people are (except androids and those with ki suppression for their own respective reasons). Flight, in general, is a commonality! Again, those two are good starting techniques! Now... That is everything I have for you currently, Been! However, before I go, let me make a suggestion for you: Since you are making your own character, think of 3 characteristics you want to rp with. Straight forward parts of this character's core personality, and when I mean core personality, I mean what makes the character him. When you determine those, think of events that happen in the character's life and how he acted in those times, to help you write your history. This is a general technique that really helps you make a fun character to go with! When you're done, tag me with @hakuro34 in your reply here, so I can come review and assist you again! Good luck, and don't be afraid to ask anyone some questions in the shoutbox or the cbox down at the very bottom of the page. Chances are, you'll find someone willing to help you out!
|
|
|
Been
Jun 26, 2016 2:30:56 GMT
Post by Pieter Wolfbane on Jun 26, 2016 2:30:56 GMT
You'll want to edit that first post, bry, with the changes in the future. 1) Vegeta has been around for some time. Why is Brocoli deciding to send his grandson, whom he could take care of on his own, to Earth? Also, when you brought in the hunting thing, you mentioned you were hunting yourself... Give yourself some time to read over, out loud, what you're putting into your character history. Take your time with it, as this is just as crucial as the beginner's presentation you're going to give us later today. 2) You have 2 techniques over the permitted 3 technique limit (also, for your quick information, demons and part demons get 4 because of a demon trait. Moving on). You'll need to remove Ki Blast and Family Kamehameha, for the reasons below. a) Family Kamehameha is still a Kamehameha, and thus needs to be removed because it is part of the Turtle School, which you need to enroll to so you can learn it from the acting master. b) Ki Blasts are a commonality. Thus, you don't need to spend a tech slot in order to shoot ki blasts. Unlike Flight and Ki Sensing, it comes naturally. 3) It'll be better for you to remove the transformations. Because we know you're a saiyan, with a tail, we'll set you up with the approved transforms for saiyans. Also, in order to master Oozaru form, you need to acquire this technique: Oozaru Mastery [UT1] Prerequisite: Saiyan with a Tail Through harsh training or sheer willpower you have learned to control your inner beast, you now maintain full control of yourself while transformed into an Oozaru! This technique is passive and uses 0 KP in a KP Battle. You can find a list of pre-approved techniques, and their requirements, over here: wodsouls.freeforums.net/thread/7544/pre-approved-technique-listAlright, get back to me when you can. Take your time with this, and as I said, edit the original post. Should be located in the upper right corner of the post.
|
|
|
Been
Jun 27, 2016 22:02:56 GMT
via mobile
Post by brygreen04 on Jun 27, 2016 22:02:56 GMT
|
|
|
Been
Jul 4, 2016 21:47:04 GMT
via mobile
Post by brygreen04 on Jul 4, 2016 21:47:04 GMT
|
|
|
Been
Jul 5, 2016 3:06:54 GMT
Post by Pieter Wolfbane on Jul 5, 2016 3:06:54 GMT
Hey Been, sorry about that wait! Now, let's get back to this, shall we?
1) There's details that need much longer explanations, such as the character's parents being murdered, and the very much wrong fact that the Earth is primitive, when it has entered an age where it made intergalactic treaties with space-age races. Robotics has reached the point that the very leader of the planet Earth, right now, is a Android. The point I'm making is the following:
a) Take a look at the major events of the site and the characters involved in those major events. We want you to have a good idea the type of universe we're running is like.
b) Expand the points extensively with the details that are actually important.
2) Techniques need fixing.
a) You have 5 techniques and you need to be at 3.
b) You need to put descriptions of what these techniques are going to be doing.
Please take into consideration what you're going to be taking into your profile.
|
|
|
Been
Jul 6, 2016 19:40:13 GMT
via mobile
Post by brygreen04 on Jul 6, 2016 19:40:13 GMT
|
|
|
Been
Jul 6, 2016 21:53:08 GMT
Post by Pieter Wolfbane on Jul 6, 2016 21:53:08 GMT
You didn't change the history, except put in a space between the grandfather deciding to send him to Earth, for whatever reason.
1) Add more to the history. Tell me who the family is, briefly, and tell me more, 2 paragraphs more at least, about whom Been is and what makes him different than the other saiyans and half-saiyans in the form of what he's done.
2) You start with three techniques. You've removed 1 from the 5 before, but you still have 4 remaining. I'm going to just come out and say that you need to remove Feign Death and just work with Flight, Ki Sensing and Amazing Impact.
Tell me when you've done this work, and please do add more this time around.
|
|