luciano
Archived
Tag: @luciano
Posts: 3
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Post by luciano on Apr 29, 2014 1:21:37 GMT
Name: Lucianous
Alias: Lucian
Species: Saiyan/Human hybrid
Gender: Male
Age:Twenty-one
Appearance:Born with salt and peppered hair medium in length spikey hair, muscular body standing at 5' 10" wearing a black wife beater with loose fitting dark Jean like pants
History: Born with a lower power level than most his mother (human) died giving birth to him, his father raised and trained him in the ways of balanced combat with a daily regimens of hand on hand and ki techniques, until the age of 17.
His father took him on a voyage to his home world planet vegeta (had lived on earth since the birth of lucianous) upon returning to earth their space pod malfunctioned when entering the atmosphere, the crab in the barren waste lands killed the father upon impact.
Lucian, orphaned, forged a sword out of parts salvaged from the debris, (named it ghostwalker) placing his fathers family emblem at the hilt he believed it was a good luck charm. As his age progressed so did his strength, teaching himself to protect the helpless so that no one would have to experience the pains that he had to endure.
Starting Planet: Earth
Techniques:
Offensive
Galactick pulse: a series of silver and red flares released from his palms n1
Soul seeker: a large sum of energy engulfs his blade doing extra amounts of damage with each slash n1
Support
Flight
Special
None
Items:500 Zenni
One-Use Pod
(Ghostwalker) sword
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Post by Pieter Wolfbane on Apr 29, 2014 2:45:33 GMT
Hey there Luciano! Welcome to the forum! I hope you'll enjoy your stay here.
Now, I see that this profile is currently under way at the moment and not ready as of yet. However, allow me to get to what I can at the moment. I'll be putting in a list format, so that I can more easily explain later on.
1) Starting Planet: Planet Vegeta. At the moment, we are only doing Earth, as we're taking it slow. So, for now, it will have to stay as Earth.
2) History: This is clearly not complete as of yet, but with the information concerning the starting planet in the previous note, do remember to add this later on.
3) Abilities: I'll get to those at a later point, since this is Work in Progress thread at the moment. If you have any questions concerning them, let me or President Bao know.
4) Items: Since your character seems to be starting off with a sword, do add that to your Inventory when you can.
Alright, that's all I got for now! Just post here again when you're ready. If you're having some difficulty with anything, let us know!
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Post by Pieter Wolfbane on Apr 29, 2014 5:11:35 GMT
I see you followed through the edits, but just copied and reposted it. As information for you, you're able to edit the posts you make if you hit the edit button at the top right of your post. I would recommend you make use of it, as it'll help keep things organized and decrease the amount of clutter. I'll copy and paste what you've done here onto your first post. Anyway, allow me to get to what you've got right now.
1) History: As I'm reading this, I'd like to see a some identity of whom this person is and whom person's parents were. What is making your character someone who wants to seek good and justice for people? What happened to him out in the wild? Who was your character's mother to his father? I'm not asking for an entire life story here, but I am asking for more identity. It'll help flush out whom your character is, as a person. What's more, why is your character calling his sword Ghostwalker? Add in the little bit of information here to flush out the sword. Also, a quick side thing. Where you've got the words in parenthesis, how about trying to put the story there? For example, rather than putting (human) right after mother, how about putting, "His mother, a human," for grammar?
2)Grammar: Each person has their own way of writing things, but we are writing out our stories for others to read. I would recommend you go through your profile and fill some of the proper punctuation marks. This way, people won't be confused when reading this.
3) Soul Seeker: Since this is an empowering ability, I would say what happens when you charge it longer. In my opinion (you don't have to follow it), you can have it's duration and power be greatest in its first post and degrade over time. However, as I said, you don't have to follow it. Just something to get the creative juices pumpin'.
Alright, those are the notes I got for you to work on for now. It's coming along nicely, otherwise!
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