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Post by Jax Punchlust on Feb 27, 2017 21:57:09 GMT
CURRENT POWER LEVEL: 23,322
THREAD POWER LEVEL: 5,831
(Weights in use)
It is not often thought to be natural for one to welcome their own death. And yet, even after spending most of his time alive protecting the lives of countless people, Jax found himself awaiting his own end. He lived a battle-ridden eighty years, one in which every time he had defeated whatever intergalactic foe came heading towards Earth and trying to take it for themselves, a new one would come ready to fight him in just a few weeks time. But he had exhausted the universe’s resources of villainy, and finally earned the life of peace he had come to want in his older age. Adjusting himself in his bed, Jax got up and took his usual amount of recommended “Senzu-Pills”. Looking around at his metal room full of various devices, that at his best he could only describe as “high-tech doohickeries”, he had to laugh at himself. He was he was, the planet’s strongest and greatest warrior, meeting his end thanks to nothing more then a common disease. It was only after a few seconds of adjusting the hover-bed’s position that the nurse came in and notified him that he had visitors. Finding their way in and rushing past the nurse, two human children, both young girls no more then the age of six and covered in purple clothing, jumped onto the bed and caused it to lower back to the ground. “GRANDJAXXY!” The two children were soon engulfed by their grandfather’s grasp, hugging them with a maneuver that was likely too similar in fashion to one that had been used to defeat the Blood-Lord of the South Galaxy. “Well, you two have certainly grown into some groovy young kids.” Jax finally let go of his grasp, causing a audible sound of relief from his grandchildren. “Now do you know where that son of mine might be?” “I’m right here, Father…” A bulking figure made his way into the room, his expansive muscles destroying the entranceway after squeezing his way through. “Those two were so excited to see you that they ran through the whole place.”Jax’s son picked up the bottle of Senzu-Pills along Jax’s beside, analyzing it before returning his attention to his father. “Now why do they have you on these? They can’t cure you. Just a waste of money. You think of all people they'd give you proper treatment...” He trailed off, putting the bottle down and walking around the hovering bed. “They should of put you in one of those healing tanks. Now that would of fixed you up.”“Those pills are the only things keeping me alive at this point, sonny. My condition is like nothing they’ve seen before, thanks to SinMan’s ‘Get You Sick Quick’ sneak attack. I know you think I can just fight my way through this all, using my awesome power of the heart and super kickass moves and such, but I’m no longer the ‘take it all head-on fight through-it’ guy. I can’t be that man anymore. That’s you now.”
There was a pregnant pause after their exchange. Jax knew that his son was having trouble coping. Heck, he knew most of the planet was having trouble coming to gripes with his eventual passing. It was hard enough for him to get some privacy, being the universe’s number one celebrity. It made sense, seeing as how most of the galaxy's population considered him probably the greatest, strongest, sexiest, funkiest, and humblest man to ever exist. But it was his time, and no statues or songs in his honor were going to change that. He began to get lost in thought again, before the youngest of the grandchildren began to pull of his shirt. “GrandJaxxy, are you going to die?” Jax took in a deep breath, as he reached out and touched his worried grandchild’s hand. “Yes, it seems likely I may not be here much longer. But that’s okay. I’ve lived a long life.” She turned away from her grandfather, trying her best to hide her tears. The other child then began to tug on his other sleeve. “Can you tell us a story? One of those stories about your great fights?”Jax smiled, something that brought a great deal of warmth into a room that felt a great looming fear in the air. “I’m sad to say I’ve already told you some of my greatest stories. You already know how I started as just a simple children’s television star, but through my training and dedication to grooveatude, made the world a slick place to be. I fought throughout the galaxy, like that one time I fought the space-clown pirates. Or the time with lava kings who were upset about global warming. How I once went to Valhalla and partied with the greatest warriors in history. Or how everyone was being told to move to Space-Australia, but then when they realized just how giant those spiders were I got everyone got of there. Then there were those few years with my success wrestling career. Also that that time I exposed that vile Vi-Poi for the horrible president and liar who clearly rigged my own campaign he while beating him in battle, which is a personal favorite. Then I just spread my message with my rap albums, fashion line, and cereal company which has an equal amount of ‘action-flavored punch’ in it’s flavor as I do in my fist…”The children both tugged at his arms, jumping up and down.
“TELL US ABOUT JIMJOHN FIGHTING MAN! TELL US ABOUT JIMJOHN!” |
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Post by Jax Punchlust on Feb 28, 2017 0:42:51 GMT
"Oh, pft, that old thing.” Jax brushed off their excitement for their grandfather’s participation the single most successful piece of art in the history of published work (at least according to the modern Z-Museum). “Well it depends on what episode you want me to talk about-“
“Talk about the time you fought the vegetable man-ster!”
Jax looked up, alarmed by his son’s squealing over the series, almost more so then his own grandchildren. He would have commented on how while the show did have a wide-range appeal, that it was mainly made for children, if not for the fact that the vegetable man-ster episode was his favorite. After all, it was his directorial debut. Taking a holo-cube out, he began to project a list of episodes to choose from.
“Ah, yes, episode 567. Now, let me tell you, that was one rotten piece of produce.” Jax began scrolling through the episodes, trying to find it. “Now it should be…here! A-ha!” The list landed abruptly on the 567th episode, the description listing its title, as “Taxes are important Jax learns about extreme budgeting!”.
“What-I could of sworn of-“
“Oh silly father, that episode is actually 566.” Jax’s son corrected the list, overriding his father’s choice with a strange sense of nervousness in his voice. “You must just be forgetting things in your old age.”
“No..I could of…no.” Jax’s head began to hurt. This couldn’t be right. He memorized each and every episode of JimJohn and it’s placement in the series. He was the world’s leading expert on the series; it was one of his many claims to fame, besides being the main star of the series. He couldn’t be wrong about this. Rubbing his forehead, he got out of the bed, struggling to stay upright. “I need to call the company about this. These episodes…they must have been listed incorrectly…”
Using the last remains of energy kept within his body, Jax tried to make his way to the door, as a hand soon grasped his shoulder.
“C’mon father. I think you’re over-reacting.” The grandchildren joined in with their father, trying to clam Jax down.
“Son, listen to me. I know those episodes. If I die with their order not properly memorized, well, it’ll just feel like my whole world is falling out of wack-“ Touching his son’s hand, Jax was welcomed by the strangest revelation. The hand wasn’t there, or at least, it didn’t feel like it. Instead Jax’s hand slipped by, the fingers becoming translucent and the grasp of his son becoming completely translucent.
Jax looked over his shoulder, greeted by a wireframe in the shape of his soon and grandchildren, motioning in a pace slower then that of what could be human. Upon second glance, the entire room had become nothing but a green wireframe and an assortment of shapes of an assortment of colors floating about, the voices of his descendants trailing off into unrecognizable sound, the only words being able to be made out were simply them whispering the numbers "567".
"What in the pancakes with a side of fiddlesticks is happening...?"
Jax walked through the wireframes of his would-be family, as a similar-formed version of the nurse from before came in, stating something about a "cure" being found. The shapes of his family started to act overjoyed, at least, from what Jax could tell, not being able to hear them. The surrealist setting continued to play out, as the olden Jax just stood in place, letting the shapes float on past them. Cocking his head to the side, he studied everything going on, before touching a triangle passing his face. Upon the single contact with his finger, the entirety of his surroundings, the building and everyone inside, collapsed into the floor, becoming nothing but an empty white room.
All that followed was a headache that made it feel as if his head was going to pop off, and a simply collapse to the ground, as his vision began to fade away.
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Post by Jax Punchlust on Mar 4, 2017 14:49:37 GMT
Welcomed back into reality with the barrage of alarm sirens and flashing lights, Jax found himself found himself laying on what appeared to be a metal floor. He fought with his own body's feeble state, wrestling with the headache that seemed to want to burst out of his brain and the natural instinct that danger was afoot that sat at the bottom of his gut, as he tried to make out just where he had been taken to. In front of him was some sort of robotic casket, a scratched screen on the front and the wires connecting to it appearing twisted and reaching to the ceiling to disappear off to some unknown location. The device's broken pieces were scrambled around the floor, hinting to Jax he must of been kept in it for a purpose he wasn't sure of.
Around him were what appeared to be countless aisles of the technological prison, holding one member of an assortment of intergalactic species in them as the screens played out various scenarios starring those inside. Jax could make out the space monkeys, the green-skins, and even slightly remembered what the humanoid ice lizards were, but his head kept pulsing in pain the more he tried to think back on any memory. Each of those kept inside had a hemet placed on them, wires coming out and connecting directly to the brain while rainbow-colored fluid surged back and forth from the host to the headgear. If his time on children television taught Jax anything, it was that he shouldn't trust anything sort of technology that connects directly with the brain. Last time he saw that happen the actor he was fighting played a brainwashed mutated fisher-man crab.
Reeling back in pain, thanks to the memories of his time on televised programming being too much for his body to handle for whatever reason, he fell back on the cover of his own device that he must of broken out of. It was in his reflection in the glass he made another discovery; he too had one of the helmets connected to his own brain.
"This...is not me. I will not...be like Crabby Crabman Sam...!!!"
In a maneuver that likely wasn't the smartest when dealing with wires directly connected to a vital body part, Jax mustered his strength by taking his hand and did a backwards karate chop, destroying any purpose it was serving. He ripped the wires that were forcing their way into his forehead , to which surprisingly seemed to have no negative effect, the rainbow liquid splattering all over his design-brand wearable blanket. He started to gather the energy to move and get out of wherever he was, but as he started to make way he heard the shuffling of what sounded like more then just a few people. Thinking of the techniques he mastered during his training while in his newly created "Ninja-Man Jax-Chan" persona, he tried blending in with the floor itself, but before he even had the chance of properly channeling the role of a metal floor he was surrounded by a mass of skinny green spacemen. He tried holding his breath, hoping his "Ninja-Man Groovy Moves" might come in handy, but the rainbow splattered across his chest made it hard for him to blend in. The spacemen stared at Jax with their pitch black oval eyes, as he struggled to left himself off the ground.
"L-look guys..." He felt like he was waking up, thanks to his body no longer having the interface of whatever the alien's were doing to his head, and his body's "rebooting" didn't help him much with quick thinking. "...I'm a business man. I bet you all had logical reasons for whatever operation you're pulling here. Though I have to say, it does reek of injustice, and high maintenance cost. But, why not we try make a deal? You let me go, and I'll give you, er, free DVD collections of my show!"
The spacemen seemed less then thrilled with this proposition, at least from their lifting of their hands with loaded laser guns and aiming it directly at Jax.
"Okay, I have another deal. How about you lust...for my punch!"
Mustering as much energy as he could, the "purple wonder" did a signature hook-jab into one of the spacemen, taking his gun and using their body as a shield from the incoming laser blasts. Knowing he couldn't run, thanks to his body's current state, he threw the brunt corpse that he was holding onto as he began creating a sphere of energy in his left palm. He continued to fire at the charging spacemen, and as the sphere's glow became more prominent, the eyes of his opponents began to widen, some even going as far as to stop firing and try to get away from the battle. This was going to be the most epic battle Jax ever had. He might die at this moment, but he would die fighting this spacemen with uncertain goals that he really didn't get to communicate with. And if media told him anything, that's what being a hero was. Besides, only moments ago he was going to die. At least this time he would go out with some style. Readying his throw, Jax prepared once again for his own demise, and looked at the crowd of his gathered enemies...
Only to see a strange figure pushing his way through to the front, a high pitched voice squeaking along with them.
"Move to the side. Do you want another scandal with the officer? Let me in! Let me in!" Standing before Jax was one of the spacemen, taller then the rest, and wearing a rather professional business with a joke tie with an array of cartoonish spacecraft on it. Rushing to Jax's side he helped him up, brushing a bit of the rainbow stains off of him. "Oh, let me help you here. Geez, I must apologize for this. We're not used to this happening. Well actually, it's never happened to us before, and I guess my men didn't know how to respond."
Jax stared at the spaceman with befuddlement, taking a moment to look at the others who were now leaving in embarrassment, as sirens and lights died out. He looked back at the alien before him, who had an expression of fabricated concern.
"Okay, so, I just have to ask...what in the blazing fiddle-sticks of hell is going on here?"
"Ah yes, I bet you have more then a few questions about what this place is. I guess I might as well explain, but to do that we'll have to take...the ALPHA-9 BOARD-CASTING SPACECRAFT TOUR!" Not giving the former television any chance to respond, the spaceman whistled a tune that was not the most kind on human ears, summoning forth a hover-craft with two large googly-eyes on the front. Pushing Jax into the vehicle with his rear, the spaceman tipped-toed and spun around to the driver's seat, and began his obviously rehearsed lines as they started to move along. "Do you ever wonder who produces the most successful and most well-loved entertainment products on a galactic scale?"
"Uh, no I didn't. In fact, I'm not really jiving with all this. Look I just need to know where I am-"
"Hush-hush." The spaceman placed his fingers over Jax's mouth, ignorant to the glares of hatred he was being given in response. "You're ruining the tour. But I guess it wouldn't hurt to speed along, the beginning bit does drag on. Now, you are currently on the spacecraft that is devoted to crafting entertainment, as I said before. And we do this with those containment units you saw before..."
Jax looked out at the rows of units, even witnessing what appeared to be the process of setting one up. A young space monkey was being dragged along by two of the spacemen, and he appeared to be trying to fight back, but right before breaking free they forced a one of the helmets onto him, causing him to drift off. One spacemen tossed the space monkey in, while the other kicked the front of the device closer, as the two high-fived.
"...as they are able to send the user to an augmented reality. The spend the rest of their lives in a world we build for them, and the screens show the lives they live. We then send that feed all over the universe, in the format of various programs! Isn't it splendid!"
The alien leaned over to Jax with inhumanly large smile, confused by the human's reaction. He sat still, and upon the revelation of what the units did had clenched his fists and his entire posture had changed to be full of more tension.
"You mean to tell me...the entire life I have lived is nothing more then a lie?"
"Oh-hoh. Of course not." The spaceman slapped his knee, and seemed quite amused by the question, much to Jax's confusion. "We simply take people off their home planets, and you know, then put them in. No one wants to watch the boring growing up parts of life, that's been done to death. Plus you know, it helps keep the population count of every planet low. We try to do monthly pick-ups. We're stopping by your planet soon too, would you have it!"
"So you just take people from their homes, without any notice?!"
"Oh no. We leave signs that say 'On Hiatus' in the place of the person when we take them. Just to give loved ones and such some notification."
This was too much. All his achievements, all his pride, they were just falsehoods. The battle with the space pirates, his time as the interplanetary pope, his wrestling career...his family...they were all just programmed lies. His head continued to throb, his body trying to normalize after all the experimentation that was placed upon him. Moments ago, he may of been accepting death. But upon being told he hadn't even really lived yet, Jax now had one new goal; make it back home.
"When...did you take me?" Jax began to rub his forehead, trying to reach back even with the damaged state of his mind. "What was my last...real moment...?"
"Uh, sometime before some dumb racing thing. Look..." The alien pulled over for a second, taking a deep breath. "We never have had one of you guys wake up before, so I bet it's a bit of a shock. But I think you're overreacting..."
"So it's my fault?" Jax stood up in his seat, he couldn't believe the gall of his captors. "You took my entire life!"
"No we gave you the life you always wanted!" The alien dug around the inside of his suit, and pulled out a couple of files. "Before we came, you're life was a mess. It made no sense from an entertainment writer's perspective. You were a former children's television star, who quit his job to go train to make your father proud. Then you failed at that, lost a children's marital arts tournament while in your thirties, you had a terrible run trying to be mayor, but had a successful streak as a grocery store greeter and leader of a cardboard city...the point is, you were a nobody. You regretted your whole life about failing to be a hero, so we made you a hero. You were a televised star, well, now we made you a bigger star. You were the one who had to get so specific on JimJohn's ordering, and make the whole system break-down. Not even with all our computer's advanced processing could it give a damn about your claim to fame!"
The alien crossed his arms, his pitch black eyes still being able to hold an overwhelming amount of self-pity.
"No one is grateful these days."
Jax understood the alien. He knew what it felt like, to put all your heart into something, to try to be the best you can be, and yet have someone still not appreciate you. He could barely remember half of the things the aliens had blabbered on about, but if he could remember anything, it was the feeling of being on top of the world to going to the absolute bottom. It was about time he showed these spaceman his gratitude. Wrapping his arm around the now crying alien, Jax began to comfort him.
"I get it man. I get what you're putting down. You're just doing your job. So all I have to say is..." The arm placed around the alien began to glow, as Jax opened his hand to reveal an energy ball with a smiley face on it. "...Kinkyori Enerugīken!"
Blasting the spaceman down to the ground below and taking the spacecraft for himself, Jax started to speed around the spacecraft, trying his best to find a way out.
"Ye-Ha, buddy boy. It's time the Jax-Man takes ahold of his own life now."
Following the signs plastered around the spaceship, which were luckily enough written with cartoonish arrows instead of an alien language, Jax made his way to what he hoped would be some place which would help him escape. Using the remaining ammo in his stolen blaster, he fired at the containment units below, releasing the kidnapped aliens kept inside. Upon being released back into the real world, the freed captives acted in a manner similar to how Punchlust did before them, wandering around in confusion, at least as much as their bodies' would let them in their state of disarray. Also much like before, it didn't take long for the spacemen to take the offensive, finding those that left their unit and firing non-stop at them. It didn't take along for the involutionary guest technology, and a whole fight began to break out on the ground-floor below. Jax was too busy making his way around the bombardment that was the light-show of lasers, zipping past the various scuffles and fisticuffs that he was dangerously close to. He was so busy trying to avoid them, in fact, that he didn't notice the massive guarded entrance in front of him, and only had seconds to jump off before the hovercraft rammed into a locked door that the signs had led him to. Even more, he had no protection from the explosion cause by said crash.
Not willingly to let a little minor outer-space warfare or fire burning at his flesh stop him, Jax made his way into the room, finding himself surrounded by various screens and technological mumbo-jumbo. The only things he was able to make out were numbers that were shown a couple of times that must of been flight patterns, and pictures of the ship's destination, the planet he had grown up on and was fighting to get back to. It appeared as if most of the spacemen that would be expected to be in the room had either left to join the fight or died thanks to Jax's dramatic entrance, but there was a single spaceman in the front. Seated in a chair with a high-tech steering wheel of himself, the alien whistled to himself, unaware to the "Master of the Groovy Moves" making his way behind him. Suplexing the ship's apparent pilot to the ground with enough force to knock him out, Jax jumped into the seat, as he began to mess with the pair of holographic control panels that popped up as he did so.
"Okay so...this isn't in english. But I bet I just turn the dial here, make a little adjustments here, pick a favorite number...this should work out. This should be good."
This, of course, was not good. The fights on board were soon halted as the spacecraft started to immediately nosedive to the planet below. The ship's passengers rushed and made their way to the escape pods, the spacemen and their captives pushing each other and trying to get in before the unideal landing. Jax, however, didn't rush to try and abandon the ship. Not because he was the bravest, nor because he thought he could even handle what was coming. No, it was because he had no idea what was coming, thanks to his own lack of intelligence. In his mind, he had just saved the lives of aliens across taken from around the galaxy, and defeated an evil entertainment empire. He felt badass, he felt stylish, and most of all, he felt like a hero.
In the following seconds, his thoughts on the manner changed somewhat. His body began to lift out of the seat, and he was enraptured in flame and metal, his body sent flying throughout the destructing spacecraft thanks to it's impact with it's destination. Witnessing the hurricane of wreckage after being sent out into the sky, Jax tried his best to keep it together, but sadly even with a year in a virtual life he had not had proper training in doing so. But before he could fully freak out, his fall was broken by the collision with the ground. He laid down for a few moments, before finding it in himself to stand up and surveyed the area.
"I did it. I can't believe it, I made it back to Earth. I'm...free..."
Looking out at the familiar desert of his own planet, he couldn't believe all that he had been through in the last few hours. Part of him didn't fully believe that he was in real world, that this had to be some virtual gimmick again. The pain in his head was never in the other program, and he was too naive to fully consider the possibility of being put back into another unit. He just brushed it off, and did one of his signature heroic poses.
"This is it. I'm going to do it for reals this time. I'm going to go out to the world and prove myself. To those entertainment snobs who said I was nothing, to all those on this planet who said it, to this whole goddamn universe." Using his "grooviatude" to power through his pain, Jax began to use his navigation skills to head towards the nearest city, which really meant randomly meander around. "I'm a Punchlust. And I'm going to be a true hero, baby!"
And then, as he set out to become the greatest hero known to the real reality, Jax passed out five steps away from the crash site in the piles of metal and his own blood.
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