Post by Vi-Poi on Apr 5, 2017 4:10:20 GMT
True Jollywood Stories: The Rise of Ornion Shallotnagger, the World’s Most Powerful Entertainer
(Ornion, left, with Vi-Poi, right, at the Jollywood Movie Awards. Recently, the pair teamed up for the upcoming video game adaptation, Serpent Master EX: The Movie. Ornion will play the role of Bing Gan, the Serpent Master and former Kami of Earth.)
Ornion Shallotnagger. Everyone knows him from his decades dominating the box office, but few know his story.
Now, the True Jollywood Story of Ornion Shallotnagger will be told.
Ornion Shallotnagger was born Nanaba Syrup, a common Majin name in a common Majin neighborhood in Tangerine Town, a small workaday town an hour south of West Cap. Forty-five years ago, on the day of little Nanaba’s birth, Tangerine Town was famous for its vineyards, wineries, and most of all, its grape juice factories. The largest in the world, these massive factories churned out more purple drink than the rest of the world combined and employed thousands of people.
“My dad hosed the empty tanks down at the Great Grapist factory, the only non-android on the Nightshift Hose Squad,” Ornion said, voice filling with more than a little pride. “It was because he could stretch his body really far down into the vats to get at the residue, and not even the androids could do that as fast as he could.”
But everything was not going smoothly in Tangerine Town. “This was the era of high corporate power, before Blue Banner was around and before all the labor protections,” Ornion explained. “These new executives, who were one Ostrich-Chicken feather short of a pillow, didn’t like that their grape juice factories were in Tangerine Town. It didn’t make any sense to them. Tangerine Town should make tangerine juice, if anything.”
The workers were devastated. Thousands lost their job from the snap decision to move all grape juice production to Prune City in the East Region, which Great Grapist’s new leadership felt was a better fit. “Some people think,” Ornion said, a knowing gleam in his eye, “That the executives did it for other reasons, too. Zeni reasons. It’s cheaper to hire out East, because there are more workers competing for less jobs, and there’s much less of a community mentality out there.”
With his father laid-off and sinking into chocoholism and despair, little Nanaba had to take care of them both. “People make jokes about Majins and candy, but chocoholism is real. It’s an addiction, a disease. Chocolate can be very dangerous. I won’t touch the stuff.” Ornion gave the camera a teary-eyed glance. “It was just the two of us, my dad and me in a rinky little apartment. The walls were greasy. Barely anything worked.” His mother, he explains, was not around -- turned into stone by a traveling witch not long after his birth. “We never found the witch who did it,” Ornion remarked glumly, wringing his hands in his lap. “They’d gotten into a fistfight during a sale at the mall, and after the petrification spell, the mall security tried to grab the witch but she turned into a pigeon and flew out a skylight. I still have some people looking into leads, but you know how witches are.”
With no way out, and the greasy walls of the rinky little apartment closing in, Nanaba grew desperate too. “I threw myself into fantasy worlds to get away from my chocoholic dad. I started acting. First in the West Capital Middle School Drama Club. Then at the high school. I also started lifting at the high school weight room. It was a great way to relieve stress. And I got big!”
At the age of fourteen, during a recital of a Freezer Day play, he had a chance encounter with Jollywood super-agent Gust Glossman. “Gust was always scouting around, even at high schools like mine, when he wasn’t reading new scripts,” Ornion chuckled. “After I got done playing the Ice King, he rushed to me and said, 'Boy, how would you like to be a superstar?'”
One year later, at the tender age of fifteen, Ornion had his first smash hit, where he played the silent and terrifying killer blob from the future known as the Germinator. “Before the movie released, Gust convinced me to change my name from Nanaba to Ornion, a more Saiyan-y name, because he had dreams of penetrating the Imperial Saiyan market. I did it, of course. The rest is history.”
When asked about his recent friendship with Vi-Poi, the leader of Earth, Ornion laughed and gave a big grin. “Vi’s a lot of fun. He’s a fan, and I usually don’t befriend them, you know. Not that I have anything against my fans, I love them! But you know, it’s just safer not to. There are some bad bananas that spoil the whole bunch. Know what I mean? But I’m also a fan of Vi, so it works. I think he’s done great things for Earth, and obviously, being president – premier – he’s got a very interesting perspective on a lot of behind the scenes stuff that most people don’t know about.”
What’s next for the gummy yellow star? “I don’t know. Vi’s been training me so I can do my own stunts. I like fighting with him, and the martial arts lifestyle. He says my power level is already stupid high.” Ornion laughed. “I did shoot a ki blast into an asteroid, that was fun.”
After a while, Ornion cocked his head thoughtfully. “Maybe I’ll change my name back to Nanaba.”
Techniques:
Flight [UT] The first thing Vi-Poi taught Ornion was how to fly, though the burly superstar doesn't take well to heights. He can do it, okay, but he still prefers his hoverlimo.
Zanzoken [SU3] The second thing taught by Vi-Poi was how to move in quick bursts, and use your after image to confuse your foes. He's good at it.
Ki Salad [N1] Using an unending blitz of ki blasts of various shapes and colors, Ornion razzle-dazzles his enemy for 33% of his PL!
Times Up, You're Toast [SU3] This move stuns opposition for up to 300% of Ornion's PL, by reciting his famous movie catchphrase effortlessly (and also bombarding them with seizure-inducing lights).
Death By Glamour [MP3] Using all the cheesy kung fu his movie career and Vi-Poi has taught him, Ornion delivers a blistering combination of flashy high-kicks and loopy punches for 100% of his PL! Accompanied by a musical score.
Lengthy Litigious Lawsuit [UT] Not actually a combat technique, per se. Still, you later receive an invoice for damages -- real or imagined -- from Ornion's prestigious fleet of white-shoe lawyers in the hundreds to zillions of Zeni. He'll see you in court!
Dankest Dirt [UT] Whether it's through an army of private investigators digging through your garbage and hiding in your bushes, his coffee-addled publicist giving media interviews about your credibility and/or sanity, or the gossip rags of Jollywood turning on you, Ornion will have your dirty laundry (real or imagined) plastered all over the interwebs. Prepare to be humiliated!
(More to come)
Transformations:
Action Hero (x10) Drawing from his considerable thespianic depths, Ornion becomes the gun-toting, line-spouting Salad Tosser, and brawls with his foes with a tenacity only a high-budget protagonist can offer.