Zucceta
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Oozaru(x10) MSSj(x15) S.Ooz(x22) SSj2(25x)
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Post by Zucceta on Apr 6, 2016 21:11:35 GMT
Hey, Scarlet.
Just a few things here:
1) Ridiculous number of aliases. 2a) History: Day 1--why even bother with the huge rhetoricals if its not even relevant (by your own description)? Seems like an unnecessary bolstering to make the history longer, which isn't necessary. 2b) Day 8--where did Zhang find this Ryashi skin? They aren't exactly common-place on Earth. 2c) Day 31--That is pretty miraculous, also somewhat unbelievable. Maybe Zhang acquired a DNA sample from a living Arcosian rather than a dead, nameless one? Additionally, Scarlet doesn't seem to have any Arcosian in her physical appearance, nor Namekian. If possible I would like to see at least a little arcosian or namekian in there--just look at Cell, who facially was very similar to Frieza in his perfect form, and similar to Namekian in his semi-perfect form.
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Zucceta
Administrator
PL: 379,083
Oozaru(x10) MSSj(x15) S.Ooz(x22) SSj2(25x)
Zeni: 2290
Tag: @admin
OOC Name: therevolution
Posts: 2,309
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Post by Zucceta on Apr 13, 2016 20:42:03 GMT
I mean did you change anything I asked you to change?
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Zucceta
Administrator
PL: 379,083
Oozaru(x10) MSSj(x15) S.Ooz(x22) SSj2(25x)
Zeni: 2290
Tag: @admin
OOC Name: therevolution
Posts: 2,309
|
Post by Zucceta on Apr 14, 2016 23:06:36 GMT
Alright, you're good to go. The rhetorical stuff was just a writing critique and I'd try to avoid fluffing stuff like that because it might negatively affect your "quality" grade for future posts.
Approved.
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